I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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