yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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