You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
