I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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