Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize