3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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