Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
