What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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