my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize