Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
