I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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