"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
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After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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