I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
