Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my shit smells like andre
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
