Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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