I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
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This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
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I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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