this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I need a beard to bite.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
