U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
