overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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