There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
