dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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