I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
