she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
