That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
