In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
