fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize