It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
