I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
