I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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