two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
