so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
