How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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