.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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