That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
