Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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