This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
