everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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