I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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