What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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