Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My pussy is not your playground.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
