i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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