I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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