No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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