If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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