So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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