me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
