OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
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I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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