I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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