She said her name was "party"
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
