Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
