from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
