Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just googled if crying burns calories
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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