True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
