This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
