he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
