She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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