i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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