Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
